April 2009
"Household Blues"
Me smells a stink I cannot place
Is it from the kitchen, or the fireplace?
I follow my nose to a lower bathroom
Where a thick stench does indeed loom
Unidentified objects afloat in the tub
Is that what I think it is? ---- UGH!
Where’s the husband? Out of town
(Which is usually the case when bad things go down)
Five children all nestled sweetly in bed
I wonder aloud who caused the dread
Golf balls, catfood or a toy that was flushed
Must’ve caused the mess I now fix in a rush
The first plumber I find in the yellow pages
Can he come after 10pm - is the cost outrageous?
I'll pay anything, anything, ANYTHING, dear.
(It's 11:30 and they're almost here!)
Sweet sound of the door bell - ringing, just now
Roger-the-Plumber, will fix this somehow
What? WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?
To expect this to happen again someday?
It turns out a tree that is nicely matured
was planted too closely to the pipes with the turd
"How could anybody be so stupid?" I ask
(Some home builders here are a pain in the ---)
I begin to reflect on purchases made
throughout the last year - call the brigade!
First, went the air conditioner - right out the door
Then the oven, microwave, and refrigerator.
We painted the walls in a lovely faux
Replaced lots of furniture, too, don't ya know
Jesús came to paint the house’s exterior
He needed the job, his work was superior!
New hardware for the door was required
Broken shutters must wait - I’m getting tired!
Crumbs on the countertop with no occasion
Were really a royal termite invasion
Our house was treated by “professionals”
Looking dubiously skilled with their chemicals
Same guys who’d waged war with the ant mess
Who’s winning that one? It’s anyone’s guess
Next came the patio umbrella out back
And later the basketball hoop, which was cracked.
The roof was leaking and needed repair
I'm waiting for carpet, in total despair
My dryer died at the end of the week,
Before I left town, it emitted a squeak
‘Sitting Grandparents had one less thing to do
As laundry piled up over the next day or two...
New tires for the car - a thousand bucks
A rebuilt transmission for the Chevy truck
Two ceiling fans broke, but no one cried
The things were hideous and had to die.
A new kitchen light to illuminate the sink
(My Dad fixed that one in a wink)
'Tis our lot in life: keep the economy going
(and going and going and going and GOING)
I fear our checkbook is surely not growing
Dearly hoping our needs will soon start s l o w i n g
As I write letters to a friend on food stamps
I count my blessings and hold back my rants
Tons of clothes spill out of our drawers
There’s plenty of food - lots of lefto'ers
The hand-me-down items are an amazing lot
Do we deserve these gifts? We do not!
Thank heaven for SALES, which are easily found
Stores love us a lot, the new Shopping Hounds.
Handing over my cash, it leaves my tight grip
What's that you're giving me? Ahh, the blessed receipt slip...